Life goes on, through highs and lows, the adventure continues...

Life can be hard, it can be tragic and overwhelming; it can also be free-flowing and beautiful. I am so grateful for my life. I'm grateful for the hard, sticky and grueling parts that have molded me into the person that I am. I'm also grateful for the moments of bliss and beauty, as it is the core of these moments that help me through the hard parts. I look forward to the bliss ahead.

Too many changes, too quick for the good to shine through...

Life has been crazy, insane, ludicrously ridiculously mad and ass backwards lately…and that's been putting it lightly. I have never before in my life cried so many days in a row, felt so mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, had both fleeting and stagnate thoughts and feelings of wanting to move, divorce, give-up and die.
Yes, it does sound very dramatic and over the top, but in all truthfulness, all of those things are what has happened to me. In the last month, my life has changed so drastically and has flipped every possible direction that it is no surprise that I have felt all such feelings and have thought all such thoughts. Actually, I have felt so many different feelings and thought so many thoughts that there would seem to be no more thoughts to think nor more feelings to feel. Just a brief list of the biggest changes in my life:

• I have gone from a stay-at-home mom working a side job 1-2 days a week to a full time working mom working 4 1/2-6 days a week. 
• My best friend has moved in with me to help me take care of the kids (since I have no saved income for daycare) in exchange for a free place to stay.
• I had to trade in my van for a sedan and take on a car payment.
• I got a bad chest/head cold that I can't seem to kick.
• I have been trying to research daycares all on my own since my husband is too "busy" to help…or probably doesn't care to do any of the research since he knows that I will do it.
• I've literally been non-stop and have had hardly half a day to recover or rest.

I don't know how to deal with any of this other than to pray constantly and rely on God. He is truly the only reason that I have not tried to kill myself, been admitted to a mental hospital or started doing hardcore drugs. No…seriously, I do not know what I would do without my God or the provisions that he has given me do get through this time in my life. 

I HAVE TO find the gratitude in my daily life. 

If I don't, all is lost.

Today's Gratitude:

1. I am starting to feel better from my cold!
2. I have two wonderful paying jobs where I get to be around adults and work with wonderful people.
3. I have a warm home.
4. I have food to eat.
5. I have a car to get to work.
6. I have friends and family that love me and are praying for me.
7. I have two beautiful children who are healthy, smart, loving and who own my heart.
8. I have adorable pets.
9. I have enough things that I own to sell for about a years worth of income.
10. I have talents that I know God has given me for an unrevealed reason.
11. I have dreams that are unique to me.
12. I am beautiful, kind, helpful, compassionate, empathic, and sensitive.
13. I am strong.
14. I will soar with faith above the valleys that I fear.
15. I will overcome want, and I will defeat jealousy and the idea of what physical goals the  world teaches us that we need to strive for.
16. I am me.

That is a quick note of gratitude for my night. Now I will go to bed with the intent of allowing my body, mind and spirit to rest, regroup and become rejuvenated. I will be healthier tomorrow. I will be stronger tomorrow. I will be a light and find the good in all things.