How to resolve a hurt you caused

I am usually a very sensitive person. I always have been. I was the little girl who you would look at the wrong way and would cry.
I felt everything very deeply.
I have always tried to be the one that others can come to to talk about things, keeping what they have to say with a confidence.
I am usually really good with reading people, seeing that they need something or less of something.
But, of late I did something wrong.
I hurt some one's feelings.
I didn't intend to, but it happened.
I miss-read them and my usual joking personality went too far.
The result was that they ended up with their feelings very hurt and they are having a hard time speaking to me, though I have already apologized.
Sometimes apologies are not enough.
Sometimes words are not enough.

I have to reflect on what I could have done differently.

This person, though I have not been friends with them very long, I consider them to be a good friend. I thought that I knew her enough to know how she would react, but I didn't.
I should have been more sensitive.
I should have tried to read her better.
I am not sure what else.
I didn't do anything cruel, but I did take my joking around a little too far.
I felt bad right away.
I apologized.
I also tried to talk to her about it, but she declined to talk about it.
That's okay.
I did something wrong.
But, I hope that she will communicate with me soon.
I want a friend to be truthful with me.
I can handle it.
Especially if it is a character flaw on my part. I want to be confronted with it. I want to fix it.
I want to be a better person.
Everyday I try to be just that.
But, I need her to be that type of friend to me.
All I can do now is wait.
All I can do is hope that she will open up to me.

UPDATE!

So, I know that she doesn't really like to open up about her feelings, so I did the talking.
I basically said that I knew that my other co-worker and I felt really bad and knew that we teased her without acknowledging that she was having a hard time. I apologized for being insensitive and told her that we really and truly care about her and will be more sensitive in the future.
She seemed relieved and acknowledged that her spouse had mentioned that she should have told us how she felt or we wouldn't know. I told her that I could tell how she felt without words.

All is forgiven! All is better.
The moral of the lesson is to own up to your wrong!
Acknowledge your wrong!
Apologize when necessary!
Correct your mistakes as soon as possible!

I love my friends and co-workers! They are my family away from home. I spend more time at work then I do at home.
I need my work to be in spirits and full of love and respect.
Strive to do good ALL THE TIME!
Don't be prideful and own your mistakes.
This is the first step to peace!
Plus, a little faith and prayer definitely helps :)

Make a change for good...

Times are tough to say the least...
We are at a point in our country where we are teetering on chaos.
We have a new president...
We have new agendas...
We are unsure more than ever which way we are going to go, and which way the results of actions are going to go.

My philosophy has always to hope for the best, but expect the worse.
So...I will.
I will be prepared for anything...
I will hope that the peace will result...
That we will not have to endure war, pain, death or suffering.

Now, with that said...I have to concentrate on my family, myself and my community.
I have to make choices that are God geared.
The Bible is a great reference the questions that we have in life. One of the greatest things that I have learned from reading it is that I must love.
I must love EVERYONE!!! EVERYONE!!!!!

Let me say it again...EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Yes, even those who do me wrong.
That doesn't mean that I will allow myself to be abused. I will still fight for the greater good, but I just refuse to hate.

I refuse to hate!
Hating someone is only going to poison myself and my own heart.
I don't have to like them, but I refuse to hate.
I will not lower myself to the level of the haters.
I will not lower myself to the level of the racists, the liars, the prideful.
I will love.
I will forgive.
I will be someone that my children will look up to.

I am a warrior. I am a women of substance.
I am one of a kind.

I challenge you all to be the same as well.
Make a change for good...
Make that conscious decision daily...

Say it out loud...
"I will be the change the world needs! I will do what is right, what is good, what will matter for the good of humanity!"

Take today, a gift, and be grateful!

Love,
Rochelle

Looking Inside

I write poetry on a somewhat regular basis. I have for years.

It helps me vent, process things and it is an outlet for things that I need to say, but don't know exactly how.

I will every once in a while post my poetry in hopes that it might touch someone else, or maybe one day even inspire.

The Reflection

Oh, the beauty of reflection

The light so bright

Showing flaws, as You see them

as pure daylight

How my heart forgets a moment

And my breath forgets to fly

as I gaze upon your beauty

sometimes day, sometimes night

You bring me beauty

You bring me light

You guide my constant

You guide my night

You make stained yesterdays

You guide the cleansing

You bring the wandering

You bring my blessings

I long for you daily

And I dream of you, too

The lack of you cripples

As you gently renew

But your return brings songs

As my heart jumps for joy

Each moment becomes breathless

As you lovingly toy

I pray that whomever reads this today finds God's good grace and His eternal Love. He is more constant than the stars and the moon. He is my inspiration. I thank you for reading! 

Rochelle

Be a Butterfly

I don't know about the individuals in the world, and the opportunities that are presented to each individual, but I feel blessed in sorts...
I feel blessed because, though I have had my handful of tragedies and heartache, I have also had opportunities and joy through the experiences that they have brought.

I have had common tragedies, such as death of loved ones...financial crisis'...loss of trust of friends and family... the pain of making life mistakes, but I have also had tragedies that are uncommon.
I have been hated and resented by majorities because of the 'sins of my father', I have been condemned and abandoned by those that I thought were friends. I have been abandoned by a parent, and left to figure out why I wasn't worthy of love by that parent.
But, with the tragedy, I have found myself and Love from my Creator in the talents and gifts that He has bestowed upon me.

Now I don't claim to be the best at anything, who can?
There is always someone that can out-do another. Those who are beating world records on a daily basis are proof.
But I do believe that my talents are unique. My mind is unique.
I have my own and individual ideas, creations and manifestations for a reason.
Poetry, songs, guitar music, drawing, painting and story writing are my outlets and my talents in one.
I dream that one day my talents will be shared and I will have the opportunity to help another, of shift others to their path of inspiration.

What are your talents? What can you do today to help someone?
Today, in the day that we live in, even common curtesy is a rare sight. Maybe even just a smile at someone will shift their day to create a huge change.

It's a butterfly effect.
Be a butterfly today.

I am quitting, though I don't have a problem!

It wasn't too long ago that I realized a pattern. 

The pattern wasn't harmful, bad or the cause of anything that was abusive, but I realized that it was disruptive in my life.
It was a total "Oprah-'A-ha'", eye opening and life shaking moment.

It the moment I work 2 jobs.
I work four days at one and one-two days at the other.
This particular week I worked 6 days in a row. Unfortunately for me I was having to miss an awesome family get together out of town, but my husband was going to take the kids and be gone for a couple nights.
So I decided that I would bust my butt and try to accomplish painting the kids bathroom.
This wasn't as easy of a feat as most would assume.
It took me the first evening (after work) just to tape off the bathroom.
AND because the bathroom was already a bright teal color, and we were going back to white, we were going to have to prime it and then paint it.
Well...my plans were held back because I decided on the second night to go to a co-worker's pool party. I had a blast, and a couple glasses of wine.
Needless to say, I didn't get any painting done second night. So, I ended up having to work the entire next day (my only day off) with a mild wine headache to get the painting done!
What I realized in this situation (here's the "A-ha"moment) was that I do this a lot...
I end up working harder because I decided to relax with alcohol instead of doing what I planned and getting it done in time to relax and do what I wanted to. The "A-ha" in this was that this wasn't the first time. In fact, having a glass of wine or a little whiskey on the rocks was a "go-to".
As an adult, I never drank to get drunk, but rather to enjoy the mild buzz that it brings after a long day.
There were the rare occasions that I would OVER indulge, but I never got to a black-out moment, or to a stage where I couldn't make decisions for myself. In fact it has been something that my best friend and I have had the best conversations over, and my husband and I have had wonderful wine vacations based on. There have many been good moments that alcohol have been involved in. So why would I "poo-poo" it?
Well, now, for a couple reasons...

I feel that time is going faster and faster as I have gotten older.
I am half way through my 30's and I have SO MUCH I want to do, accomplish and create!
I see a pattern when alcohol is involved, and I have noticed that I don't do, I don't accomplish and I don't create when I indulge in it.
It's as if it shuts down my creative juices and I can't do what I love and imagine and dream about.

So, I have decided to stop drinking.
It's not just my desire, but I do believe that it is the desire of my maker.
I have seen with my physical eyes and my minds eye what difference I can make in my life and the life of others when I abstain and practice self-control.
It's funny though...I can't do it on my own.
I desire a drink often.
I desire that relaxed feeling.
But, I have learned to pray constantly, to rely on the prayer of others whom I trust, and to meditate on the will of God. THIS is how I have overcome so far.

Now, I know that I will have MANY opportunities of temptation, to have "just one".
With that in mind I have to really concentrate on the bigger picture more consistently, and resist the feeling of caring what others think of my decision-I'm sure I will get a lot of flack for being the sober one at some events.

Now...I must go and accomplish.

Much love!

Rochelle

Summer, how I Love/Hate you.

For Those of you who know me, and have know me my whole life, know that I have been one to admit that I am wrong on occasion. One occasion that I will admit was my childhood dream of living in a warmer climate. 

You see, most of my childhood was growing up near the coast in Pacific Grove, California. It was mild and many days of overcast clouds and even thick fog on occasion. Then, I dispised and hated the cold weather...especially as a teenager.

As a teenager, your hormones are raging and this instinctual desire to look "beautiful" and "desirable" to the opposite sex takes over and you find yourself trying to go to lengths that you never had before. For me, I longed to have that glow from the sun; the sun that never shinned. 

Luckily, at the time, my best friend lived in Carmel Valley, where the sun was much more present! So wonderful! So Warm! And I got so TAN!

I knew the warnings of sun damage and cancer, but I was a teenager and I was "invincible"!

We would lay in the sun and dream of our futures together and promised each other that we would live in perfectly warm weather when we were older. We would live where the nights would be warm enough to not need a sweater outside! We would be tan all year long! We would be goddesses of the SUN!!! 

Riiiiight!....

Fast forward almost twenty years later...

I still live in California, yet I live about an hour to two hours from the coast (depending on the "lovely" overpopulated traffic), and I find myself cursing the sun instead of worshiping it.

You see, when you're a teen, tween or even in your early twenties you have this unrealistic idea of life and duties and chores...and housework...and taking care of a family...and so on...

Let just say that my opinion on warm summers has changed drastically. 

Now I find myself daydreaming of the thick, split-pea-soup fog of my childhood. I dream of sweater weather and cozy cuddles with a book, a blanket, my cats and my kids.

You see...cleaning the house should never cause sweat to drip down your face, or the weather be so hot that even with the air conditioner on it feels like a sauna.

I no longer am active in tanning...that is a whole other story...but basically I care about my skin and wrinkles and NOT DYING an early age!

My co-worker yesterday asked me a rhetorical question of why it was so hot...and I answered that it was because we're in hell...though it was only about 96degrees outside.

He thought it was funny, but I was far from trying. 

Anything above 85degrees and I become a cranky pot.

My husband does too...but Im sure that my constant complaining about the heat contributes to his intolerance of the summer heat. Everyday for about two months I will repeat the same phrase over and over (trying to make a point and trying to be slightly annoying, LOL), "You need to move me to the coast" or "We need to live near the beach". I even got my kids to start saying these phrases too.

So funny!

Here's the beautiful sunrise on my way to work...beautiful in some ways...

One of my favorite views from my run that I do on occasion at Round Valley. The view is of the east side of Mt.Diablo.

My orchid, that I have somehow kept alive...

The horrible, despicable, disgusting and hated heat...

Anyways, no matter what, I know that it could always be worse, and even then things can only get better, right? So I will be manifesting my cool weather, and another season of monsoons with lots of rain! :)

Thanks for Reading!

Rochelle

Finding Time...Whatever That Means

So, as you may have read in my last posts, I had been a stay-at-home mom for almost eight years. It wasn't a breeze; taking care of children (especially in their tender years) and being a house wife was a lot of work! Needn't I say an underpaid and appreciated job.
Now I have "graduated" in life and have become a working mom.
Let me make something very clear! I will never put down a parent who is a stay-at-home parent, nor will I be the one to say that working parents are less loving to their children. Being a stay-at-home parent is TOUGH, and so is the role of a working parent. It's hard to be a stay-at-home parent and feel unappreciated, and your only hope of compensation is that your children will prove to be spectacular scholars or "wow" the crowds with their "well-roundedness". It's also hard to be a working parent, having to make the sacrifice to not have control over the majority of your child's day can be heart wrenching to say the least.
There is some type of stigma that is branded on parents who make these decisions with their roles in life, whether they have the choice in the matter or not.
I, for instance, did have the choice to be a stay-at-home mom, but did not really have the choice to become a working mom again. I HAD TO go back to work. We were struggling financially and I couldn't see my husband take it all on any longer. I had to step in to help.
Unfortunately, the world that we live in now is not the world that our grandparents dreamt for us. There is no "buying a house at with a picket fence" dream that is in our grasp, or even the ability to go to college without paying for it for the rest of our working lives. No wonder the majority of our younger generations don't want to get married and have kids. It's just too expensive.
With that said, I want to say that I miss being a stay-at-home mom at times. Not the financial pitfalls and the stress of wondering how we are going to pay bills or food, but I miss the experiences.
I miss the sounds of my children on a consistent basis. I miss being there for all their experiences and their concerns. I miss sleeping in with them, and doing art crafts with them. I miss teaching them.
But like most of parents, who are the working parents, it is this role that we have to pass on to "the village" that we put our trust in.
Some have the benefit of having family around to help. I do not.
I have had the blessing of having a daycare that I trust. I am blessed to have found one that is faith based and who care about my kids. They're a stones throw away from my kids school, which makes it easier for me knowing that they will be around the same place all day.
Today is my baby girls first day at kindergarten.
This is a day that I was able to be around the school to drop off and pick up my son when he started. Now, I no longer get that benefit.
I miss being able to do that.
I miss my kids.
I miss sharing in their experiences.
There will be a time, hopefully in the near future that I won't have to work two jobs to make ends meat. There will hopefully be a time when I can enjoy my time with family again, and enjoy my babies being young. I see time slipping faster and faster, and there is nothing I can do. I pray, daily, that things will get easier and that I will find time...whatever that means...
Now I will stop complaining and be grateful that I have so much.
I have had a hard 6 months of being a social introvert. I have even been completely cut off from socializing with my best friend because I couldn't handle the mental expenditure.
My extra time I spent with my kids, and if they were asleep then I spent it with myself.
I love my art and miss having more time with it.
But, God is good, and the fact that I still find time is pretty awesome...

This is my beginnings of a project that includes clay on canvas... I will be working on this and putting up progress photos...

Here are some ACEO cards that I have been working on...

A little canvas sample for a larger project that I will be completing soon...

Another project (this one has not quite been completed due to that "lack of time" thing)

I am calling this one "My cold, cold heart".

My son's Goliath Sunflowers...they were literally as tall has our house!

So, now that I have voiced my complaints to the universe, I will carry on with what I know, and do the best I can. I mean, I am not even promised tomorrow. I have to live today the best I can. I know that I have a higher calling then I realize. Sometimes it's just hard to see past the difficult parts. With Gods grace and the beauty in moments, I know that I will find what I have been looking for.

Thanks for listening!

Rochelle

Long time, No...post!...Yeah...

Yep...It's been a while since my last post. Time has taken over my life in a way that I never imagined. Working two jobs and taking care of my two beautiful children on top of all the other things that I have to and want to do have been overwhelming at times.
Now I find myself with a few moments, early in the morning before work, because my mother-in-law has thankfully taken the children for a week stay at her house.
Now...because it's been so extremely long since I have posted anything, I wonder what it is that I should share (since there is so much).
So a few photos might be a good way to roll a few moments into one!...

Here are some of my pieces of artwork that I have been working on selling as notecards! 

One of my favorite pass times is enjoying the outdoors with my beautiful family...

My son's an artist! Look at his amazing dragon he drew!

Another new Mermaid piece I completed...

Here's an art piece that I am almost done with called "My Frozen Heart".

And a fun drawing I did of my children as a mermaid and merman...

Well...This is just a few photos...There will be more to come soon...well, hopefully soon. We shall see how kind time wants to be...

Sincerely,

Mermom -Rochelle

Life of a former Stay-at-home-mom

Well, I took the plunge…not all 100% just from want, but I got a job!

I GOT A JOB!!!!

Some might think that it's not a big deal and say "I've been working my entire mother/fatherhood" or "you mean you made a minor life change" or something to the degree of minimizing my alter of reality.

It really and truly has been a HUGE change! The great thing is that I actually like my job!
I have had my dental license for a long time and have actually been in the dental field since I was 15 1/2, so I applied for a position at a local and wonderful orthodontist! I am now an orthodontic assistant.

My challenge has been THE CHANGE! I have been a "stay-at-home-mom" for over 7 years and loved the ins and outs of it (even when things were tight financially and even when my daughter was crying and whining about nothing for the billionth time of the day), but it was time AND we needed the money. The  hardest change is the fact that I am no longer in control of what happens to my children as much. I take them to either daycare or school and don't see them until I get off. Their day is now in the control of other adults (whom I feel blessed to have found people that care and look toward my children's best interests). I do miss them a lot too.
But, I am also very excited to be a help to my husband, financially. It's been a tough road for him to take care of all of us, especially in the east bay of California (probably one of the most expensive areas to live in the US) and with one income!
A huge "hats off" to him for keeping us afloat for such a long time.
It's been tough at times…
...like when he ran into a deer and fractured his foot and we had to rely on the state's disability for a bit (that totally sucked! They hardly give enough for anything)…
...or the holidays when we would have to scramble for money to get gifts ( I did a lot of odd jobs and sold a lot of handmade items to help a little)…
…but we did it! Amazingly, we survived! AND my children Highly benefited from those "tender years" being taken care of by mommy. I would have never taken back a moment that I had with my babies those seven plus years.

Now life is going by SUPER fast and it's hard sometimes to grasp all that I have to do and all that is going on without me around. I pray daily that I have joy, wisdom and knowledge in all the situations that are presented to me…cause I truly can't do it all on my own strength. Thankfully, my faith and love in God has kept me abreast His timing and encouragement has never let me down.
I hope that this find a parent out there that is considering going back to work, or a parent that has been working from the beginning….
I just want to say "keep up the great work"! Being a parent is hard whether you're a stay-at-home-parent or a working parent! And there isn't a right or wrong answer for each situation that is cut and dry! We all just do our best…and that is all WE can do on our own strength…just remember that there is another strength that we can all tap into. God's strength…and that might sound like a copout or a myth or silly, but no one really understands it until they embrace him.
It's kinda like "the force" from Star Wars…You must trust the "force"….you must believe in the "force" for you to be able to utilize the "force".
Think about it…
Pray a little prayer about it…
I have, and it's changing my life daily!
Many blessings!
Mermom