It wasn't too long ago that I realized a pattern.
The pattern wasn't harmful, bad or the cause of anything that was abusive, but I realized that it was disruptive in my life.It was a total "Oprah-'A-ha'", eye opening and life shaking moment.
It the moment I work 2 jobs.
I work four days at one and one-two days at the other.
This particular week I worked 6 days in a row. Unfortunately for me I was having to miss an awesome family get together out of town, but my husband was going to take the kids and be gone for a couple nights.
So I decided that I would bust my butt and try to accomplish painting the kids bathroom.
This wasn't as easy of a feat as most would assume.
It took me the first evening (after work) just to tape off the bathroom.
AND because the bathroom was already a bright teal color, and we were going back to white, we were going to have to prime it and then paint it.
Well...my plans were held back because I decided on the second night to go to a co-worker's pool party. I had a blast, and a couple glasses of wine.
Needless to say, I didn't get any painting done second night. So, I ended up having to work the entire next day (my only day off) with a mild wine headache to get the painting done!
What I realized in this situation (here's the "A-ha"moment) was that I do this a lot...
I end up working harder because I decided to relax with alcohol instead of doing what I planned and getting it done in time to relax and do what I wanted to. The "A-ha" in this was that this wasn't the first time. In fact, having a glass of wine or a little whiskey on the rocks was a "go-to".
As an adult, I never drank to get drunk, but rather to enjoy the mild buzz that it brings after a long day.
There were the rare occasions that I would OVER indulge, but I never got to a black-out moment, or to a stage where I couldn't make decisions for myself. In fact it has been something that my best friend and I have had the best conversations over, and my husband and I have had wonderful wine vacations based on. There have many been good moments that alcohol have been involved in. So why would I "poo-poo" it?
Well, now, for a couple reasons...
I feel that time is going faster and faster as I have gotten older.
I am half way through my 30's and I have SO MUCH I want to do, accomplish and create!
I see a pattern when alcohol is involved, and I have noticed that I don't do, I don't accomplish and I don't create when I indulge in it.
It's as if it shuts down my creative juices and I can't do what I love and imagine and dream about.
So, I have decided to stop drinking.
It's not just my desire, but I do believe that it is the desire of my maker.
I have seen with my physical eyes and my minds eye what difference I can make in my life and the life of others when I abstain and practice self-control.
It's funny though...I can't do it on my own.
I desire a drink often.
I desire that relaxed feeling.
But, I have learned to pray constantly, to rely on the prayer of others whom I trust, and to meditate on the will of God. THIS is how I have overcome so far.
Now, I know that I will have MANY opportunities of temptation, to have "just one".
With that in mind I have to really concentrate on the bigger picture more consistently, and resist the feeling of caring what others think of my decision-I'm sure I will get a lot of flack for being the sober one at some events.
Now...I must go and accomplish.
Much love!
Rochelle