Leaning on Faith and Imagination

I just had a conversation with my dad on the phone as I was commuting to work this morning, expressing my thoughts on how things in life seem harder and harder as I have gotten older.
I asked him if it was this hard for him when he was my age.
He didn't hesitate to say "yes", but also explained that it was solely due to the fact that we are aware of more as we get older.

'More Aware' I thought...Hmm...

That is why 'ignorance is bliss'...

That's why it's easier for people to hide their heads in the sand, or have someone else or some formed group to make the decisions for them, sometimes even when it's uncomfortable or within the boundaries of abuse.
That's why we have problems with gangs, cults and close-minded groups.

Its easier to not think.
It's easier to allow others to make the decisions for us.

But "why", may I ask, do we give over our decisions and choices to other humans.
When did we tell ourselves that we shouldn't think for ourselves any longer?
I think that this is the mistake that we have made since the beginning.
That's the first sin...the first reason for our separation from God.
We were so eager, as a human race to have the knowledge of the world by taking the fruit from the forbidden tree only to realize later that the reason that God forbid it was because He was trying to protect us.
We longed for this knowledge that was too much for us. We wanted to be

The knowledge of good and evil, the more I learn, is hard on my heart.
There is SO MUCH EVIL in this world!
To counter it, there is SO MUCH GOOD as well.


I feel that the problem in our society now is the lack of gratitude and the overwhelming idea that we need to take control over all aspects of our lives.
This recipe is only going to cook up stress, anxiety, a feeling of loss and lack of purpose, depression and doubt.

When did we stop loosing faith?
When did we forget that "yes, life is tough...but, we don't have to take it all on...we have a helper"?

I am totally and completely guilty of doing just this.
There are many times that I have thought that I am strong enough, clever enough, smart enough (and so on) to take on the stresses of life to myself. But in the end, I find myself myself emotionally drained and stressed out.
Every time I conclude that I just can not control it all...
I can not make things happen just as I want or imagine.
And actually, if you think about it...Nothing I have ever imagined has ever actually ended up just as I imagined it.

As a child I imagined what my life would be like as an adult...as I am sure that we all have; but, so far, not one thing has turned out as I imagined. That doesn't mean that I haven't enjoyed my life...not at all! There have been many things in life that have pleasantly surprised me, or turned out more beautiful and thrilling than I have imagined. There have also been some pretty horrible things that have happened to me, but nothing my imagination could have created, as my mind has seen worse than I have experienced, and thankfully so.

You see, I am "gifted"with an overactive imagination.
Some days it seems a gift and others a curse.
My imaginations sometimes seems to be what God has given me to cope with life, to help me get through the hard parts of life.
It has also helped me create and envision the things that make me who I am.
My heart and my mind are interlinked by my creativity and my imagination,
Just as my destiny and soul entwined with the faith and spirit world.

 Even so, it's my imagination that has helped me be happy and content.
It has boosted my empathy and helped me have the ability to place myself in other's shoes.
It has helped me speak up when words needed to be heard, and the wisdom to be silent when words would go on deaf ears (even when those words need to said).
It has helped me become who I am and who I will be.
I am who I am because of the gifts (or curses) that have been bestowed upon me in this life.

But the great thing about having this over-active imagination is that I think constantly. 
I think for myself. 
My mind is constantly thinking about all that I take in. 
I am philosophical and a deep thinker. 
I take all knowledge handed to me and dissect it and analyze it; 
And though I don't always know what it all means or what will come of it...I am slowly learning to pray about it all.
I yearn to know more, but I also am not rushing it. I know that knowledge come with specific burdens. The burden of knowledge what stated as such in the book of Ecclesiates 1:17-18 when it said
17And I set my mind to know wisdom and to know madness and folly; I realized that this also is striving after wind. 18Because in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain.
but also, "Knowledge is Power" Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)
AND "If a man empties his purse into his head no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest" Benjamin Franklin

There is no better wisdom than the wisdom of He who created us.
Be strong. Stay imaginative. Think for yourself. Always give into Faith.

Has it really been that long?

I had been yearning to write another post, and I knew that it had been a long time since I have written anything, but when I looked back to see when it was that I had written last, I was slightly shocked that it had been over 6 months!!!
Wow, time flies!
And MUCH has happened since then!
I signed up for my first 15K race-The Hot Chocolate Run in San Fransisco -but the storm during the race was so severe that the race was actually down-graded to a 10K...slightly disappointing, but totally fun still. I went with my boss and some other awesome doctors and dental professionals.

 I also lost one of the most special beasts in my life. My sweet kitty, Trixie, AKA Ms.Princess.
She left us quickly due to organ failure. She was so special to me. I had her since she was about 9 months old...she'd been with me during a break-up, marriage, children, moving 3 times, in health and happiness and sickness and sadness. She was the kindest animal that I have ever met, showing her sweet demeanor to humans and other animals alike. I think of her and miss her daily still.

On a happy note, my beautiful nephew was born. He was born healthy and happy to my sister and my brother in law. He's quite adorable!!

I got a new pair of bottle caps!!! Totally fun, trendy and bold!

 I went to my best friend from childhood's daughters first birthday and played "kid" as I was the only adult there who actually got their face painted! I was very proud!

 I found my new favorite drink!!! Coconut flavored sparkling water!!! It's like summer in a can!!!

Finally enjoyed some sunshine at the beach after months and months of storms and rain! I'm the last person in the world who will complain about cloud cover and rain-as I thrive and love cloudy and stormy weather, but I do have to admit that it was nice to have the sun warm my incredibly white body!

 I am learning more and more daily of the wonderful things of my God. The more I let go of and let Him take on, the more joy and peace I am experiencing! PTL

 I started another mermaid drawing! Here is a quick clip of the scales...

 And here is a quick clip of her as she is unfinished...

 My wonderful little boy (who is not so little anymore) and his awesomely kind heart knows just how to warm his mama's heart too... Bringing me handpicked bouquets and setting them in a honey jar...

When I get more time (hahaha! like that is possible), I will be more diligent in updating the world in what is new in the life of this Mermom!

How to resolve a hurt you caused

I am usually a very sensitive person. I always have been. I was the little girl who you would look at the wrong way and would cry.
I felt everything very deeply.
I have always tried to be the one that others can come to to talk about things, keeping what they have to say with a confidence.
I am usually really good with reading people, seeing that they need something or less of something.
But, of late I did something wrong.
I hurt some one's feelings.
I didn't intend to, but it happened.
I miss-read them and my usual joking personality went too far.
The result was that they ended up with their feelings very hurt and they are having a hard time speaking to me, though I have already apologized.
Sometimes apologies are not enough.
Sometimes words are not enough.

I have to reflect on what I could have done differently.

This person, though I have not been friends with them very long, I consider them to be a good friend. I thought that I knew her enough to know how she would react, but I didn't.
I should have been more sensitive.
I should have tried to read her better.
I am not sure what else.
I didn't do anything cruel, but I did take my joking around a little too far.
I felt bad right away.
I apologized.
I also tried to talk to her about it, but she declined to talk about it.
That's okay.
I did something wrong.
But, I hope that she will communicate with me soon.
I want a friend to be truthful with me.
I can handle it.
Especially if it is a character flaw on my part. I want to be confronted with it. I want to fix it.
I want to be a better person.
Everyday I try to be just that.
But, I need her to be that type of friend to me.
All I can do now is wait.
All I can do is hope that she will open up to me.

UPDATE!

So, I know that she doesn't really like to open up about her feelings, so I did the talking.
I basically said that I knew that my other co-worker and I felt really bad and knew that we teased her without acknowledging that she was having a hard time. I apologized for being insensitive and told her that we really and truly care about her and will be more sensitive in the future.
She seemed relieved and acknowledged that her spouse had mentioned that she should have told us how she felt or we wouldn't know. I told her that I could tell how she felt without words.

All is forgiven! All is better.
The moral of the lesson is to own up to your wrong!
Acknowledge your wrong!
Apologize when necessary!
Correct your mistakes as soon as possible!

I love my friends and co-workers! They are my family away from home. I spend more time at work then I do at home.
I need my work to be in spirits and full of love and respect.
Strive to do good ALL THE TIME!
Don't be prideful and own your mistakes.
This is the first step to peace!
Plus, a little faith and prayer definitely helps :)

Make a change for good...

Times are tough to say the least...
We are at a point in our country where we are teetering on chaos.
We have a new president...
We have new agendas...
We are unsure more than ever which way we are going to go, and which way the results of actions are going to go.

My philosophy has always to hope for the best, but expect the worse.
So...I will.
I will be prepared for anything...
I will hope that the peace will result...
That we will not have to endure war, pain, death or suffering.

Now, with that said...I have to concentrate on my family, myself and my community.
I have to make choices that are God geared.
The Bible is a great reference the questions that we have in life. One of the greatest things that I have learned from reading it is that I must love.
I must love EVERYONE!!! EVERYONE!!!!!

Let me say it again...EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Yes, even those who do me wrong.
That doesn't mean that I will allow myself to be abused. I will still fight for the greater good, but I just refuse to hate.

I refuse to hate!
Hating someone is only going to poison myself and my own heart.
I don't have to like them, but I refuse to hate.
I will not lower myself to the level of the haters.
I will not lower myself to the level of the racists, the liars, the prideful.
I will love.
I will forgive.
I will be someone that my children will look up to.

I am a warrior. I am a women of substance.
I am one of a kind.

I challenge you all to be the same as well.
Make a change for good...
Make that conscious decision daily...

Say it out loud...
"I will be the change the world needs! I will do what is right, what is good, what will matter for the good of humanity!"

Take today, a gift, and be grateful!

Love,
Rochelle

Looking Inside

I write poetry on a somewhat regular basis. I have for years.

It helps me vent, process things and it is an outlet for things that I need to say, but don't know exactly how.

I will every once in a while post my poetry in hopes that it might touch someone else, or maybe one day even inspire.

The Reflection

Oh, the beauty of reflection

The light so bright

Showing flaws, as You see them

as pure daylight

How my heart forgets a moment

And my breath forgets to fly

as I gaze upon your beauty

sometimes day, sometimes night

You bring me beauty

You bring me light

You guide my constant

You guide my night

You make stained yesterdays

You guide the cleansing

You bring the wandering

You bring my blessings

I long for you daily

And I dream of you, too

The lack of you cripples

As you gently renew

But your return brings songs

As my heart jumps for joy

Each moment becomes breathless

As you lovingly toy

I pray that whomever reads this today finds God's good grace and His eternal Love. He is more constant than the stars and the moon. He is my inspiration. I thank you for reading! 

Rochelle

Be a Butterfly

I don't know about the individuals in the world, and the opportunities that are presented to each individual, but I feel blessed in sorts...
I feel blessed because, though I have had my handful of tragedies and heartache, I have also had opportunities and joy through the experiences that they have brought.

I have had common tragedies, such as death of loved ones...financial crisis'...loss of trust of friends and family... the pain of making life mistakes, but I have also had tragedies that are uncommon.
I have been hated and resented by majorities because of the 'sins of my father', I have been condemned and abandoned by those that I thought were friends. I have been abandoned by a parent, and left to figure out why I wasn't worthy of love by that parent.
But, with the tragedy, I have found myself and Love from my Creator in the talents and gifts that He has bestowed upon me.

Now I don't claim to be the best at anything, who can?
There is always someone that can out-do another. Those who are beating world records on a daily basis are proof.
But I do believe that my talents are unique. My mind is unique.
I have my own and individual ideas, creations and manifestations for a reason.
Poetry, songs, guitar music, drawing, painting and story writing are my outlets and my talents in one.
I dream that one day my talents will be shared and I will have the opportunity to help another, of shift others to their path of inspiration.

What are your talents? What can you do today to help someone?
Today, in the day that we live in, even common curtesy is a rare sight. Maybe even just a smile at someone will shift their day to create a huge change.

It's a butterfly effect.
Be a butterfly today.

I am quitting, though I don't have a problem!

It wasn't too long ago that I realized a pattern. 

The pattern wasn't harmful, bad or the cause of anything that was abusive, but I realized that it was disruptive in my life.
It was a total "Oprah-'A-ha'", eye opening and life shaking moment.

It the moment I work 2 jobs.
I work four days at one and one-two days at the other.
This particular week I worked 6 days in a row. Unfortunately for me I was having to miss an awesome family get together out of town, but my husband was going to take the kids and be gone for a couple nights.
So I decided that I would bust my butt and try to accomplish painting the kids bathroom.
This wasn't as easy of a feat as most would assume.
It took me the first evening (after work) just to tape off the bathroom.
AND because the bathroom was already a bright teal color, and we were going back to white, we were going to have to prime it and then paint it.
Well...my plans were held back because I decided on the second night to go to a co-worker's pool party. I had a blast, and a couple glasses of wine.
Needless to say, I didn't get any painting done second night. So, I ended up having to work the entire next day (my only day off) with a mild wine headache to get the painting done!
What I realized in this situation (here's the "A-ha"moment) was that I do this a lot...
I end up working harder because I decided to relax with alcohol instead of doing what I planned and getting it done in time to relax and do what I wanted to. The "A-ha" in this was that this wasn't the first time. In fact, having a glass of wine or a little whiskey on the rocks was a "go-to".
As an adult, I never drank to get drunk, but rather to enjoy the mild buzz that it brings after a long day.
There were the rare occasions that I would OVER indulge, but I never got to a black-out moment, or to a stage where I couldn't make decisions for myself. In fact it has been something that my best friend and I have had the best conversations over, and my husband and I have had wonderful wine vacations based on. There have many been good moments that alcohol have been involved in. So why would I "poo-poo" it?
Well, now, for a couple reasons...

I feel that time is going faster and faster as I have gotten older.
I am half way through my 30's and I have SO MUCH I want to do, accomplish and create!
I see a pattern when alcohol is involved, and I have noticed that I don't do, I don't accomplish and I don't create when I indulge in it.
It's as if it shuts down my creative juices and I can't do what I love and imagine and dream about.

So, I have decided to stop drinking.
It's not just my desire, but I do believe that it is the desire of my maker.
I have seen with my physical eyes and my minds eye what difference I can make in my life and the life of others when I abstain and practice self-control.
It's funny though...I can't do it on my own.
I desire a drink often.
I desire that relaxed feeling.
But, I have learned to pray constantly, to rely on the prayer of others whom I trust, and to meditate on the will of God. THIS is how I have overcome so far.

Now, I know that I will have MANY opportunities of temptation, to have "just one".
With that in mind I have to really concentrate on the bigger picture more consistently, and resist the feeling of caring what others think of my decision-I'm sure I will get a lot of flack for being the sober one at some events.

Now...I must go and accomplish.

Much love!

Rochelle