Life goes on, through highs and lows, the adventure continues...

Life can be hard, it can be tragic and overwhelming; it can also be free-flowing and beautiful. I am so grateful for my life. I'm grateful for the hard, sticky and grueling parts that have molded me into the person that I am. I'm also grateful for the moments of bliss and beauty, as it is the core of these moments that help me through the hard parts. I look forward to the bliss ahead.

Too many changes, too quick for the good to shine through...

Life has been crazy, insane, ludicrously ridiculously mad and ass backwards lately…and that's been putting it lightly. I have never before in my life cried so many days in a row, felt so mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, had both fleeting and stagnate thoughts and feelings of wanting to move, divorce, give-up and die.
Yes, it does sound very dramatic and over the top, but in all truthfulness, all of those things are what has happened to me. In the last month, my life has changed so drastically and has flipped every possible direction that it is no surprise that I have felt all such feelings and have thought all such thoughts. Actually, I have felt so many different feelings and thought so many thoughts that there would seem to be no more thoughts to think nor more feelings to feel. Just a brief list of the biggest changes in my life:

• I have gone from a stay-at-home mom working a side job 1-2 days a week to a full time working mom working 4 1/2-6 days a week. 
• My best friend has moved in with me to help me take care of the kids (since I have no saved income for daycare) in exchange for a free place to stay.
• I had to trade in my van for a sedan and take on a car payment.
• I got a bad chest/head cold that I can't seem to kick.
• I have been trying to research daycares all on my own since my husband is too "busy" to help…or probably doesn't care to do any of the research since he knows that I will do it.
• I've literally been non-stop and have had hardly half a day to recover or rest.

I don't know how to deal with any of this other than to pray constantly and rely on God. He is truly the only reason that I have not tried to kill myself, been admitted to a mental hospital or started doing hardcore drugs. No…seriously, I do not know what I would do without my God or the provisions that he has given me do get through this time in my life. 

I HAVE TO find the gratitude in my daily life. 

If I don't, all is lost.

Today's Gratitude:

1. I am starting to feel better from my cold!
2. I have two wonderful paying jobs where I get to be around adults and work with wonderful people.
3. I have a warm home.
4. I have food to eat.
5. I have a car to get to work.
6. I have friends and family that love me and are praying for me.
7. I have two beautiful children who are healthy, smart, loving and who own my heart.
8. I have adorable pets.
9. I have enough things that I own to sell for about a years worth of income.
10. I have talents that I know God has given me for an unrevealed reason.
11. I have dreams that are unique to me.
12. I am beautiful, kind, helpful, compassionate, empathic, and sensitive.
13. I am strong.
14. I will soar with faith above the valleys that I fear.
15. I will overcome want, and I will defeat jealousy and the idea of what physical goals the  world teaches us that we need to strive for.
16. I am me.

That is a quick note of gratitude for my night. Now I will go to bed with the intent of allowing my body, mind and spirit to rest, regroup and become rejuvenated. I will be healthier tomorrow. I will be stronger tomorrow. I will be a light and find the good in all things.

The fall brings more than inspiration!!! It brings on the creation of "WONDER KITTY!!!"

Being an artist and a stay-at-home mom can be difficult. Difficult in a good way. I would never take for granted the awesome and wonderful opportunity that I have to be a stay-at-home mom. Trading my life of financial freedom for a life of non-stop cooking, cleaning, mind-games, whining, crying, temper tantrums and craziness has been worth the wonderful unconditional love and commitment. As much work as it is (not to mention the fact that being a single income family in the US, causing worry and overwhelming debt at times), no matter what it has been worth it. I would never go back in time and change my mind.
If anything, my art has become more meaningful to me. Every moment that I can spend creating something which reflects me, my personality and my dreams, I feel is a HUGE privilege. I feel that whatever I create now was completely predestined and meant to be. I have evolved so much and don't take one moment for granted. I am so privileged to be able to do and be all that I can.
The latest of my art (as most of my art projects) has taken a while. I sometimes have to put an art project on hold for days and maybe even weeks depending on my evolvement with the kids stuff, my small part-time job, holidays and other family events. So…When I do complete my projects, I get SUPER EXCITED.
My latest is ALMOST DONE! and I can't wait to see it when it is actually all done…
I'm thinking about calling it "Wonder Kitty"…Inspired by my life-driven goal to make my best friend love cats (she says that they are all evil aliens! LOL!!!)
So, in my pursuit I have decided to create the most obnoxious and AWESOME kitty picture. I've included my pictures from when I first starting sketching the kitty's head...

 and when I started coloring the kitty's head...

 …Viola! The kitties head is complete!!! Then I used my X-acto and cut the kitty's head...

 and my next plan of action is to put the head onto my galaxy background that I painted. This part was SUPER FUN!!! I got a few ideas from pinterest, but my favorite was a video that I found on Youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHM6GStV880&feature=share
You've gotta check it out!!!

So…this is not a permanently attached yet…but defiantly what will be happening. I envision some type of rainbow stripes too…

I'm also trying to work on some fun skulls for Dia De Los Muertos…

My lesson in life (from what I can gather) is to never stop doing what you love. There may be interruptions in life that may distract you for a little (or a long) time, but never give it up… You'll regret it if you do, but you'll never regret it if you keep it up.

Sunday is a welcomed Day Of Rest

Having time to regroup, recharge and just think are things that are taken for granted on a daily basis by the masses of people. I for one am guilty of such things. I try to do too much in such a small time frame. I think nothing of what pressures I put on myself and what they do to me physically, mentally and emotionally until the damage is done. This is my life lesson. 

I am learning, and I will probably be learning this for a long time, to LOVE my LIFE and to LOVE the LOVE that surrounds me. 

I need this reminder consistently and constantly.

I need to breathe.

I need to relax.

I need to soak up the little pleasures and beauties that are all around me.

My beautiful babies…my wonderful husband…my daily abundances! 

I need to have not only daily gratitude, but gratitude that soaks up every moment.

I should show gratitude for my health, my physical abilities, my mental clarity, my constant inspirations!

I am thankful for everything. Yes, even the parts of my life that seem to suck. Cause guess what?! They are mine. They are MY sucky parts…and they have a purpose too. I learn from the sucky things and they mold me into the person I am predestined to become. For that I am thankful. For that I see that I am such an individual and there is no one that is quite like me.

I am unique.

I am beautiful.

I am me.

I am resting on this beautiful Sunday, and I am able to reflect on things that I usually don't have time for.

May your Sunday, and all your days, be full of Joy, Peace and Gratitude!

Many Blessings!

~Sea Shelly

School, work, eat, sleep- repeat

The last few weeks, let alone this last week have been super duper-uper crazy!!!
The commute of taking my 7 year old to school, coming home to take care of my 4 year old and the house chores, commuting again to pick up the 7 year old, helping with homework and the rest of the day schedule are the easy-peasy parts of my life.
If those were the only things that I do on a daily basis..life would be a cinch!
 But, I am a glutton for stress and chaos…I swear I am, otherwise I wouldn't be in such a frazzle-daze all the time.
I am highly driven by what my mind wants to do in all aspects of my life.
I want to be a very involved mother, wife and person in general.
I want to accomplish so many things including my art, my writing and my long list of loved hobbies.
I love to read  and try to find the time to do so, though that is impossible lately (though this love has taken the back-burner in the last two years because of the lack of time or the fact that the only time that I do have to read is at the end of the day and I can't keep my eyes open for a period longer than 5 minutes).
I am physically active and love to run long distances. I have started up my routine of running 8-12 miles during the week…I would love to do more, but…yeah, the whole time thing, and energy thing…I really have to prioritize things differently.

But this week, man oh man…this week has been a bit more than usual.
We started the week with low energy due to the fact that the weekend was non-stop events: Ladies night out…pool parties…and my wonderful mother-in-law came to stay for a while.
So…Yep…low energy.
To make things more exhausting, I had two very sad things happen on Monday.
 First, I heard that my half-brother tried to commit suicide and was in ICU across the country.
 I am not very close to him, yet I feel very sad about this.
His family isn't very supportive and are not involved in very much to help him.
 My heart hurts for him and though I can't do much for him financially, I feel that what I can do is call him frequently and let him know that I love him and care about him and have prayer warriors praying for him. It's amazing how much he seemed appreciative.

Secondly, my best friend (whom I love very much) had a bicycle accident on her way to school. Though she escaped with only bumps and bruises, she allowed the situation and other happenings in her life to bring her down. She was ready to quit school and give up on things that she's been per suing and striving for for a while.
This was hard for me…I did tell her that she should not at any point quit. I gave her my totally opinion about what I thought was going on (the fact that she was hormonal and that her boyfriend was on a camping trip for a week and wasn't able to help her and the fact that she can't make rent and is having to move again) in her life were "crappy" they were not an excuse to quit school…if she did that she would be monstrously depressed about it later.
All of this was happening while my MIL was here. She is very helpful and steps in to help with the kids and dishes and stuff, but she also has a lot going on in her mind and her emotions. I am her counselor and confidant to a degree. The constant listening and advising and talking through things (especially all these things at one time!) has taken a toll on me.
So, now I find myself (also very hormonal) emotionally and mentally drained. Because of this more than half of my motivation is gone.
I usually find little pieces of my day to squeeze in little times for me…the past two days have been "nope…not doing anything!".
I hate it when I am like this. It's almost as if everyone around me has sucked all the good energy out of me.
 I know that I am energetically sensitive (or maybe empathic), but this is ridiculous. I almost feel that others come to me to do such things on purpose; They know that they will go away feeling better because of the positive energy that I will help them achieve, yet they know not the energy that I have to recollect to be the person that I want to be on a daily basis. It makes me want to be a recluse to an extent…

But, I will not be a recluse…at least not for long. Today I find myself staying home and doing home stuff (the fact that I am writing this is a good sign that I am trying to rejuvenate) and relaxing to gain my energy back.
So, those who know me…do not think that I don't want to be around you or that I don't want to talk to you…it's that I really just can't. If I want to be the person that I want to be and the person that people are used to me being…then I have to hide away. I have to be nonexistent for a while. In other words…"it's not you, it's me".

Here's some of the latest pictures from the last week…

Here's my best friend and I…we are yin and yang!

 Here's my semicolon that I want to get tattooed…It means a lot to me.

It's about depression and suicide awareness. My brother means so much more than he knows...

 Finding the beauty in nature on a daily basis is something that helps me daily. I find things and give thanks to God for his awesomeness! Here is an awesome Green Lynx Spider! It caught a King Bee in my lavender plant that I have in my yard.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_lynx_spider

 AND…my latest drawing…I probably would have had this more completed by now if I had had more energy and time. Working on it slowly…I'm thinking about making it rainbow pastel colors...

Here's my sweet 4 year old's hair that I did on Sunday. Though I look at it and see the flaws, it's actually not bad for my second attempt! :)

Working on New Art...

I know…I know…you can hardly see it…but it is in the making. I am working on a cat face with cool designs on it. I am still debating on if I should use pastels, colored pencils or a combo of the two…

I love using a lot of color and am hoping to incorporate some pretty vibrant and glow-y colors on this one.

I am also working on another addition to my "Baby Carrying" collection. This one is especially exciting to me. I'm not planning on making this a specific cultural theme, as I have with the others, but I thought that it would be important to make a man version. Nowadays we find more and more men and males taking on the responsibility of caring for children and babies. I think that it is awesome and would love to promote it more with this drawing! :)

New things on the horizon!

I am always trying to accomplish new art and artistic crafts that bring me joy and happiness.

Drawing, writing, knitting, crochet are some of my favorite past times. Having kids and trying to get these pleasurable things done are not impossible, but they don't always get done in a timely manner or sometimes exactly the way that you want them to.

But, when you go into parenting you have to expect this to a degree.

Some people are fine with giving up some things… I for one, have reluctantly giving up reading novels…at least for now. I have been reading a very short book (that I would have normally finished in 1-1 1/2 days) and I am not even half way through it. But, that's okay! I expect that!

I mean…I could stay up really late, with the hopes that I am actually retaining what I am reading, OR I can read a little (and I mean A LITTLE) at a time and catch up on some much needed sleep.

Sleep usually wins.

All my other projects bring me a lot more zen and harmony, so I usually dedicate my time to such things.

They, too, take a lot of time to accomplish, but I am a "go-getter" and try to get them done on my own time (which is usually bed-time) or when I really need a break and put a movie in for the kids.

Summer was short, as school is school round for us, but I was able to get more done than expected! YAY!

 Here is my Japanese version of my series of "Baby Carrying"(I have done an African and East Indian version as well).

 This Butterfly picture isn't quite finished yet, but I thought I'd throw it in...

And here is a cute sweater that I made for my nephew that my daughter was all too excited to model for me…So funny! Don't mind the bottom of it…it was accidentally folded under when I took the photo.

I can't wait to give it to my nephew for his birthday in September…he's a huge bear lover.

So…time is not what it used to be…but persistence seems to be a huge help in accomplishing my dreams. You see… it's not all about what I want anymore, its mostly about helping my children grow to be amazing humans;teaching them that they are unique, special and worth my time and devotion all while still per suing what I love to do.

Plus, the older they get the easier it is to integrate them into the stuff that I love too. I feel excited that both my children love reading, art, drawing and crafting. That's a huge win-win for me! :)

School…Heat…No time to complain!

So…My son is in year-round-schooling.
We had 7 weeks of summer.
I can't really complain that school started again. I kind of like having my routine back.
It's nice having time during the day with my daughter and being able to run around with JUST her.
Not to say that my son is a handful (in fact, he's probably the lesser between the two), but getting things done is always easier with just one of the kids. I think any parent would agree!
The downer of the first week of school has been the horrible heat.
We're inland in California, and the heatwave of summer seemed to finally hit.

Growing up near the beach, I never experienced the heat as I have living inland as an adult.
I would have to say that I highly prefer the cool ocean air breezes!
But, I am thankful for the cooler nights and the wonderful air conditioning!!!
AND, the hopefulness of an El Nino later this year is keeping my attitude in gratitude.
We need the rain SO BAD!!!!

The other nice thing about school starting again is that I have been able to take time to write my memoir!
Yes…I have started to write my memoir about my experience, emotional/mental/spiritual growth in regards to the tragedy my family endured when my dad made some pretty horrible decisions that impacted us and our community.
It's been a little bit hard to write things. The event happened over eleven years ago, but writing about it and reading over things opens the flood gates of my emotions and brings memories back so vividly.

I know that I HAVE to write this though. I have known for a while that this is something that I am suppose to do. I just pray that I am able to complete it with the ability to help others.

I will try to update frequently on different things that are going on in regards to such…

I have still been working on my artwork as well! The latest that I have finished is part of my "Baby-Carrying" Series…

This is my Japanese Version! I am very proud of it!

I am now working on a male version!

A dad carrying a kid. This one will be fun too…

I am also working on a butterfly on black…

(I've actually done a lot more than what this picture shows…I'll post a new picture later)

AND…I started a large Cat Face…

(I will post that one later, too)

So, as you can see, there is really no time to complain…I am just too busy! But, I like it that way!

Have a blessed day!!!

~Sea Shelly

My Visit Home always makes me want to move back more…

…If only I had the ability to take off and just move. 

On my visit home (which was much too short to my liking) I was able to visit family that I had never met before on my husbands side- They were absolutely the nicest and sweetest people that I ever imagined them to be, I celebrated my daughter's fourth birthday with family, I got snuggles with my beautiful nephew, I got to go to the most beautiful-dreamlike place on the planet (Big Sur) to watch my Brother-in-Law and his brother play softball, we celebrated my BIL's brother's birthday, I had real adult conversations and I also had fun just being.

This is the present that I made for my BIL's Brother…A beautiful asymmetrical dreamcatcher...

   

My daughter's 4th birthday was so fun! She wanted a unicorn cake…so I made this one, thanks to the help of google images. I was able to make this one super fast! 

 Here's my mom shooting pictures…LOL

 Here is me and the sweetest PitBull you'll ever set your eyes on! Buster Brown is my sister's dog. Yes, he's a putty, but the funniest, goofiest sweetest one I'ver ever known!

 My son cheering for his Uncle's to win the softball game (which they did!)...

 My beautiful sister and my nephew and daughter walking around during the game...

 And HERE is what I love and miss on a consistent bases…The beautiful, damp, cool, foggy air.

The feeling of closeness with the heavens and the ocean in one…

Man oh man, do I miss it more and more each time that I see this...

 Sometimes, if I let myself, I get discouraged and wonder why God doesn't just let me do and go to the places that I desire in my heart. After all, I'm not asking to be a millionaire, or to travel the world, or even to do whatever I want whenever I want. I want to live a simple life…I just would like to live near home. 

Near the coast, to cool air, the sea breeze.

Near the Big Sur trees, the San Padres Mountains, and the beautiful beaches that call you though you rarely venture in because they prove to be too cold and treacherous.

I want to be near my family and the love and support that I desire.

I'm sure that others would ask why where I am is not enough…and my answer is : It is to a degree.

I have my beautiful children and my hard working husband, I have even made some wonderful friends here and go to a pretty awesome church, BUT it is not what I desire whole heartedly…

My desires of my heart are simple…I want my family and I to be home, where I grew up. I would love a little land to have a simple self-sufficient home where I can have a vegetable garden and have chickens. I would love to have a weekly dinner with family. To attend the same church with family. To have my children see their grandparents and aunts and uncles on a weekly basis instead of just 3 times a year. Is that selfish? Is that too much to ask? Are my dreams too big?

I know that God allows exactly what we need and no more…but I want to have this dream with all my heart to come true…

I want to experience more than what I have…

Even if I die the next day, I would be satisfied to know that my desires of my heart were accomplished and given to me.

I have hope…

I will not give up on my dreams…

This life is nothing without dreams and desires…

Poem for the Past…"Forgive Me"

So… I have been writing poetry for about twenty years now…I started very young. I love to write when the spirit moves me. It moved me tonight, and I thought I would share my poem.

It's called, "Forgive me"...

It's my fault

we're not who we are

Too many steps back

I can't retrace my steps

To get to the place

To feel what we did

Forgive me…Forgive me

I had hopes and

you had dreams

we had notions

that we would always be

We wouldn't fall apart

We would evolve from the start

Forgive me…Forgive me

I can still feel you

In my memory

I try not to see you

to see you in me

The sadness might take over

The bend might finally break

Forgive me…Forgive me

Writing is all I permit

my heart to bleed out

In hopes it might soon loose

The ability to feel you in it

Will there be an end

When you will be my friend

Forgive me…Forgive me!

Happy Father's Day!

Today was Father's Day! Today, for me, Fathers Day is full of emotion, mixed feelings, but mostly love and gratitude. The idea of what a "Father" is to me has changed completely and drastically throughout my life. The man that I thought was suppose to be my father growing up left and gave up custody of me when I was a young girl, leaving my sister and I. My mother had already left him due to emotional and physical abuse that I didn't realize was abnormal at such a young age. This change in my life was the least damaging as one might think, although I have dealt with the hurt and confusion of "why 'daddy' didn't want me anymore"…

My mother remarried a wonderful man…not a "perfect" man (which by the way they don't exist except for that one guy that is the reason why we celebrate Easter and Christmas) but he is a good dad. I also had my maternal grandfather who was nurturing and a great example of a father and husband.

The emotions that are brought about on the day that we honor these men in our lives stem from two separate ordeals. 

The first was when my grandfather, whom we lived with at the time due to illnesses in the family, died at an early age and quite unexpected. This was a HUGE and Hard blow on all of us in the family. 

He was the one that we looked up to…He was the pillar in the family, the christian role-model and the glue that repaired and kept us together. 

His absence was evident. 

Grandma was more and more reclusive and gave-up on a lot of enjoyments which ultimately lead to her mental decline and development of Dementia. My mother, who has emotional and physical ailments herself became unsocial and reclusive herself. My dad (who was at one time my "step-dad" who loved my sister and I so much that he wanted to adopt us as his own legally and is now not only my legal father, but the only father that I will ever acknowledge on earth) became socially uneasy, and had a hard time "trying" to fill the shoes of my grandfather that he so dearly admired and loved.

My sister and I…well, our hearts were crushed.

 This was our first experience of death. To loose someone at an age that is tender and impressionable (I was 15 and my sister was 13) it takes a toll on your emotions, your mind and your ideas of the future and life in general. He passed so fast that I wasn't even able to say 'good-bye' to him. My parents sent me off to school the morning that my grandfather was going into emergency surgery…maybe they thought he'd be okay…maybe they knew the extent of what was going on and didn't want me to be in the way…what ever, I wasn't there. As soon as I got off the bus at school my dad was at the school to pick me up and give me the news that grandpa died.

 I can still feel that part of my heart that will never heal from the loss.

The second traumatic experience that rocked my world and the  idea of 'father' was when my dad (who had been on a downward spiral since my grandfather passed) thought that his only way out of debt was to attempt to rob a federal bank that he had been employed and had recently been let go. 

He, at the time had become quite emotionally and mentally unstable…making off the wall decisions that were unrational and neurotic. He became very confrontational and accusatory at the smallest whim. I avoided him a lot while I lived at home, and avoided any real contact for the majority of the time after I moved out and a few hours away. I married the love of my life in 2003 and it was then that I became aware that things were not really 'right' with my dad when little things he was doing were not making sense (like purchasing soda cans and emptying them for hanging behind our wedding vehicle, when not only did he have a ton of empty ones in his garage for recycling but they fell off the car within a hundred yards). He had major debt, a wife that couldn't work due to physical disabilities, and doctors that only cared to hand drug after drug after drug to my dad for each and every symptom that ailed him.

I'll never forget the day (which happened to be on St.Patricks Day) when my sister called me at work hysterical. I will never forget feeling like my life had hit a head-on brick wall. This changed everything, and everyone around me.

 It changed my perception of love, life, people and God.

This poor decision costed my dad almost 10 years of his life in federal prison, almost his marriage, relationships were strained if not deminished and many other challenges…

But, you know what?! It may seem hard to believe, but God worked so much good out of it! 

Though it was a struggle, my dad was able to rid himself of ALL the medications that he was previously on. But, most importantly he found God again…he found forgiveness again…he found Love again…True Love…the source in which love is created. He found the faith in Christ that he had been ignoring and so desperately needed. 

He and mom worked things out (THAT was a huge ordeal…mom was completely and totally hurt and was scared as well to continue a relationship with someone that she saw so little within the ten years that he was incarcerated…but, with prayer and encouragement, she braved through it all and stood by him), and since he's been out he has found friends, a new found commitment in Christ and the Church, he has a job and is providing a wonderful and good-clean life for him and my mom.

Most importantly, he's the dad that I remember as a kid. He's the dad that I remember loving me enough to make me legally his own. He's the dad that prays for me and my family, encourages me, my faith and my talents. He's the dad that God intended me to have on this earth.

So many questions of 'what if's' tend to haunt us if we allow…but my what if's tend to bring nothing but gratitude to my heart. If I hadn't chosen to forgive, what type of effect would that have had on me? On my mom? on my dad? on my sister? (who, by the way, wanted hardly anything to do with my dad until he was actually released from prison…her perspective on events were different and she experienced far more crazy/bad behavior on my dad's part). Would I be the person I am today if I hadn't gone through what I did? Would I have the compassion for the suffering? Would I be able to see others as I do now or would I feel justified in judging? Would I be able to forgive as easily? Would I be able to see the bigger picture in other peoples lives as easily?

During all of this I became a mother of two beautiful and amazing children, which means that my wonderful husband has become a father.

My husband is a better father to my children than I could have ever imagined. He has been present and active in parenting since the beginning. He loves our children with unconditional love, encourages them, shows them proper ethics and morality, and shares in loving discipline. 

Here are a few 'older' pictures of my beautiful family.

 My wonderful husband, the father of my beautiful children, my best friend and life-time lover….

All-in-All, my idea of what a father is has been a positive one…but, as much as the world might disagree, I believe that the main reason why my idea of "fatherhood" has impacted me positively and molded me into who I am today is because the men in my life have and still do try to emulate the ultimate father…God, himself.
They're not perfect, they're human after all, but God knew what He was doing when directing the men in my life to be the men they are and have been…and I wouldn't change a thing!

On an ending note…there are many out in the world who have had horrible experiences with their fathers, with men who were suppose to be a father, and the idea of what a father is suppose to be is distorted and screwed; to those people my heart aches for. I know the longing for the love of a father. I know the emptiness of the absence of a father. I know the hurt when a man who was suppose to be there for you is no longer there and leaves by choice (and even not by choice). There is healing to be made in you…if you allow it.
First is forgiveness…it's not a free pass for the person that hurt you, but rather  a new set of tracks for you without the weight of cargo that follows behind. Forgiveness is the hardest step, and the most necessary.
It's a daily thing…but it gets easier.
Ephesians 4:32

Summer, Sun, Heat…Is it over yet?

Those who know me know that I live much farther from the ocean than I ever intended to. I followed my husband (now husband) to the East Bay in California…and in the east most part of the East Bay…Much too far east from a large body of water.
I am not going to complain too much, as I am very blessed with a home, a beautiful and healthy family and my husband has a job (which has been a huge blessing for him to have a job for about 15 years now) that is supporting the four of us. Times have shown challenges as they have for so many in the past 7-8 years; but we are not without…and I know that with that we ARE VERY BLESSED.
Now…with that said…I am going to explain a gripe.
I am too far from the ocean….I am a water baby, but only salt water…
I HIGHLY dislike the summer heat of the East Bay…no matter how many dips in the community pool,  or showers I indulge in, I would much rather have the beautiful coastal fog of the bay that I grew up around.
I am sitting in my air-conditioning and I feel shut in. I feel much less shut in in the winter; even then I can open my curtains without the hot beating sun heating up the inside of my house to the uncomfortable temperature.
The nice thing about summer…and I'm pretty sure it's the only thing that I can think of, is that my garden flourishes! I have a beautiful vegetable garden that I have been nursing. I have Cherry and Beefsteak Tomatoes, Yellow onions, spinach, cucumber, kale, basil, strawberries and a new afgani mulberry tree! So fun and fulfilling.
I actually feel a bit more depressed in the summer than I do during any other season of the year…
I've got that Summer Time Sadness!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVjsGKrE6E8
So…what should I do to relieve this "Blaw" feeling that I have? The only thing that I really know to do is to keep busy! Super busy! Cleaning, organizing, perking, working and my arts…drawing, writing and music. Though I have been keeping busy and I am flying through the summer so far, I still yearn for Monterey…I yearn for the peace of the ocean and the comfort of the fog. I know that there will be a day that I will relish in such beauty again on a daily basis…I know because God knows what I desire most. He knows my deepest and most desired wishes…and I know that He loves me… I know!
I don't know how, but I am not going to concern myself with such things…I am going to live each day and live in the faith that things work exactly how they should.
To give myself a change in scenery I went camping with my sister, her husbands side of the family and her husband and son high in the Sierra Mountains. It was wonderful! It was a fun get-away! The air was clean, the trees were beautiful, and the water was crisp and fresh! The high elevation took me a good 24 hours to get used to, but it was worth it!
I caught my first fish, saw a black bear and swam to my hearts delight…you would think I was in the ocean again!

But now I am home…taking care of the little crazy people that I grew…and trying to remain calm during the blazing heat.

Here I am at my computer desk/ creation area and working on creating and living internally until the heat subsides…