Today is a new day…with yesterday lingering in the air, new challenges and new messages from all directions take flight. I awoke to crying (which is not unusual since my daughter was born almost four years ago… she's the "child who never sleeps" as my mom and I used to joke about) and had to do my mommy soothing to try to get my daughter back to sleep at 6am, though it didn't work and instead woke my sick 6 year old.
Now…usually every morning I try to wake at a decently early time so that I can spend time drinking my coffee in peace and reading my Bible without interruptions. Unfortunately half the time this intention is in vain.
Most of the time I am woken earlier than my alarm and/or my children are awake and bugging the crud out of me…
One day I will miss it…one day I will look back and say "awe! they were sooo cute!" But right now…as a mom who has very little time to herself, and very little time to think…write…BREATHE without being interrupted (I've been interrupted 10 times since I've started writing this…not including the time that I had to discipline my 6 year old for bugging his little sister while she was in the bathroom)…I'm not looking at my situation as anything cute.
Don't get me wrong…I love being a mom, and I feel beyond blessed that I am able to be mostly a stay-at-home mom. I may not be "rolling in the dough" or even close for that mater…
We are tight financially, but we are blessed.
We have a roof over our heads, cloths to wear, and food to eat. We have two vehicles (which I heard makes us wealthy compared to the rest of the world).
Though I am truly blessed, I am flawed (as so many are) in wanting more…of dreaming of a peace that is earthly unattainable. I have many fleeting thoughts of want of things that very few have.
What are these things that I want?
-I'd love to be debt free (it would take a lot of stress off my husband who is the sole provider)
-I'd love to have a vacation…even a long weekend at a nice beach (we can't afford the slightest vaca)
-I'd love to be able to afford supplies for my art (I am an artist)
-I'd love to have the help from family (the ability to have a break from my children and be able to go out on a date with my husband…to be able to have a couple hours to myself to be able to do WHATEVER I WANT!!!) My family and my husbands family live 2-3 hours away. They rarely come to visit and we can't afford to go down there very often. My parents have a hard time wanting to watch my kids, and my sister hasn't come to visit me in over two years.
-I'd love to live walking distance to…anything. We live 20 minutes from any town. I have to drive to do anything and can't stand it. It's a waste of gas which is a waste of money. I can't stand the fact that I can't afford the mistake of forgetting something at the store.
-I'd love to own property. I would love to own earth to grow vegetables and fruits. I'd love to own land to teach my children about raising animals. I'd love to have chickens, myself.
Wow! I just had a major bitchfest! Sorry…I will try to be more positive in the future.
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